The month of November has a focus on men’s health. To mark this ‘Movember,’ Phie from our Communication Team reviews How Not to be a Boy by Robert Webb.
"This insightful autobiography explores the foggy world of gender stereotyping and its impact on mental health. Whilst still at primary school Webb realised he didn’t fit the mould of ‘a boy’ and growing up in 1970s working class Lincolnshire, felt he had to hide this.
He hated football and fighting, he loved poetry, he cried and he fancied boys…a perfect example of ‘how not to be a boy’. In contrast, his father was ‘a real man’ – a big drinker who worked hard, spoke his mind, slept around and lost his temper.
Through desperation to keep his ‘differences’ hidden, and struggle through hard times on his own, he dipped in and out of dark, alcohol-dependent and suicidal places. Webb points out his gender’s flaw (a stereotype in itself?) that culminates in considerably more men taking their own lives than women. He seems to know all along that repressing emotions is harming him, and his inner thoughts fight against it, yet he can’t change. By the time he’s married with children, the disappointing realisation kicks in that he’s not the happy, feminist, equal partner he’d hoped to be (despite the repression and conforming) – the Patriarchy had won.
This touching, hilarious book ends with Webb reflecting how lucky he was to have always been loved - that’s all that really matters. At his father’s funeral he shares:
‘We can hold this sadness close. Grief is love’s echo. The earthquake was love’.
He urges men, boys, women, girls and people who don’t associate with any of those words, to avoid the pre-built mould, and encourages his daughters to strive for whatever makes them happy. Today it’s a game of football, which he admits he’s starting to quite like.
Reading can give us the language to describe how we feel; we've curated a special Men's Health collection of novels and narrative non-fiction featuring Real Men who Feel.
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