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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in an intimate, dating, and/or partner relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain control over another partner.
Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions, or threats of actions, or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. (www.thehotline.org)
Anyone can experience domestic violence. Regardless of race, color, religion, sex, gender, national origin, disability, or age.
- Nearly every 1 in 2 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States will face physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives.
- More than 16 million people in the U.S. suffer from intimate partner abuse per year.
- Every minute, 32 people experience intimate partner violence in the U.S.
Statistics provided by breakthecycle.org/domestic-violence-statistics/
Domestic violence is an ongoing cycle of power and control. Unfortunately, there are a lot of factors that increase fear in an individual.
On average, a victim of abuse makes around seven attempts to leave before successfully leaving.
Out of all the forms of domestic violence, emotional abuse is the most difficult one to spot. The victims usually believe in their abusing partners’ love and may believe that if they change their own behavior, they will not be harmed physically or emotionally. On the other hand, person’s using violence see how violent and abusive behaviors get them what they want in the moment if they continue to torment their loving partners.
Some people live their entire lives without realizing that they have been the victim of severe emotional abuse. Here are 10 signs of how mental and emotional mistreatment looks in a relationship, and which you should keep an eye out for in your current or next relationship!
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Your partner isolates you from your loved ones- Abusive partners demand that you spend all your time with them. They ask for 100% of your attention, and they get angry when you don’t comply. In their bid to control you and your time, they will create barriers between you and your friends or your family. Spending time alone or apart is unthinkable for them.
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Your partner verbally abuses you- Some abusers use verbal communication as an offensive weapon in a relationship that they otherwise consider to be a loving one. Such an abusive partner will insult you with derogatory names, disturbing jokes, and even blatant curse words. Whether you respond back or not, they will continue to harass you verbally into submission.
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Your partner uses emotional manipulation- After verbally mistreating you, abusers may try to manipulate your feelings leading you to feel guilty for their outbursts. This kind of abusive partner will seek breaches in your emotional armor and use them to get inside your mind and toy with your feelings. In some cases, they will even threaten you with leaving if you don’t change your behavior that led to their tantrum.
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Your partner has an infinite resource of scapegoats- If your new partner always finds someone to blame for their failures or their defects, you might be dating a potentially abusive person. Someone who cannot take responsibility for their mistakes is not ready for a mature relationship. Moving ahead with an emotionally abusive partner can lead to severe trauma in the future. The kind of person that always finds scapegoats will eventually blame you for their underachievement.
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Your partner uses addiction to escape emotional responsibility- Some people resort to alcohol or drugs when they cannot admit failure, mistakes, or inappropriate behavior. An adult that does not resolve past trauma can turn into an abusive partner that uses their addiction to escape emotional responsibility.
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Your partner uses fear to control you- Some abusers extend control over their partners with the threat of violence. Even if they never physically hurt their lovers, they act as if they are always on the brink of doing it. This type of reprehensible behavior instils fear and forces you to live in constant anxiety. Your actions and your entire lifestyle may change to avoid potential retribution.
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Your partner uses physical constraint- Even if your partner does not hit you, he or she can still use physical force to abuse you. Some evident signs of it include grabbing your wrists tightly, holding an arm over your neck or head in a dominant manner, or cornering you in the room and using their body to block your way out. These signs of physical constraint contribute to abusive behavior that may lead to domestic violence and tragic consequences in the future.
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Your partner deprives you of affection- Another sign of emotional abuse is when your partner chooses to punish you for spending time away or for not giving them the attention that they demand. In this case, they intentionally deprive you of affection and act upset until you beg for their pardon.
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Your partner treats you like a servant- This kind of emotional abuse is difficult to acknowledge even by the victims. Abusers develop a sense of entitlement that they use to treat their partners as servants. As a result, they demand constant care, attention, help, and supervision as if they were royalty.
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Your partner is extremely jealous and possessive- A possessive partner has no consideration for your individuality. Such an abuser will try to gain full control over your life including your dreams, goals, and personal tastes. Their jealousy is limitless, and they will act on it to prevent you from spending time with other people than those of their choosing.
All these signs of emotional abuse point to an immature individual who is not ready to commit to a serious, long-lasting, and happy relationship. If you encounter them in your partner, you should immediately have a calm and constructive conversation about the risks that they hold for your relationship.
Remember that emotional abuse is never a convenient price to pay for being in a relationship with someone. Seek external support to try to repair or end this kind of relationship with your partner. Professional counseling should help you overcome the trauma that results from being emotionally abused in a toxic relationship.
What Can you do?
Listen; it’s important to listen to a person who you believe may be a survivor of domestic violence in a nonjudgmental way.
Believe them when they describe the tactics used by their partner to control and manipulate them which includes beyond the physical. A person does not have to be physically or emotionally abused every day; just once with an ongoing threat is enough to establish control.
Support them by educating yourself and providing resources to help their situation.
Talk with an advocate if you or someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault. There are programs to help across Texas, the United States, and beyond. Reach out to the following hotlines for more information and support:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
https://www.thehotline.org/
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
https://rainn.org/help-and-healing/hotline/ult.
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