Which of the following best describes you?
A. Highly disciplined
B. Asks necessary questions
C. Puts family, friends, and co-workers first
D. Refuses to take orders from others
If you answered “C,” chances are you’re an “Obliger,” according to Gretchen Rubin, author of The Four Tendencies. The Four Tendencies is a framework that answers the question “How do I respond to expectations (inner and outer)?” Obliger is the most common tendency.
Many workplaces have turned to personality frameworks (e.g., Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, Enneagram, etc.) to help reduce workplace stress, cultivate healthier employee relationships, and even to hire the right candidate for the job. And while one personality test doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about yourself or others, it can certainly be helpful information to have.
The Four Tendencies can help you understand what motivates (or de-motivates) you and those around you. You can use this information to help yourself (e.g., to stick to an exercise program) and to help others do what you need them to do (e.g., meet deadlines).
According to Rubin, “… whether we're dealing with children or adults, when we know someone’s tendency, we can make arguments that are more persuasive, set up systems that are more effective, and save ourselves a lot of frustration.” A recent article gives the example of how we can use the framework to help our kids with distance learning during this COVID-19 pandemic.*
The four tendencies are:
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Upholders - respond to both internal and external expectations
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Questioners - respond to internal expectations
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Obligers - respond to external expectations
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Rebels - dislike and resist both internal and external expectations
This is another way to think about the differences:
- Upholders want to know what should be done.
- Questioners want justifications.
- Obligers need accountability.
- Rebels want freedom to do something their own way.
There is no best or worst tendency. Rubin emphasizes that while most people do fit squarely within one of the four tendencies, they are not meant to be labels that limit our sense of possibility or growth. Rather, by understanding the four tendencies, we can help ourselves and those around us more easily reach our goals.
Ideas for action
- Start by taking the free, confidential online quiz to identify your tendency. And share the link with your employees too.
- To learn more, read the first chapter of The Four Tendencies for free.
- Consider forming book clubs or accountability groups (online or in person) among work teams. This free discussion guide offers questions to help guide your group.
- For more ideas on how to apply this knowledge, download Four Tendencies at Work.
- Share this month’s E-tips “What motivates YOU?” with your employees (see below) to help them better understand how to use their tendency to improve both their work and home life.
* For the most up-to-date COVID-19 information, visit Hennepin County or Minnesota Department of Health.
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