Issue 94

The Boulder County Area Agency on Aging (BCAAA) Caregiver Initiative is focused on empowering and supporting caregivers of older adults. Learn more about what we offer at boco.org/Caregiving.

Upcoming Caregiving Events 

“Dealing with Dementia”

Thursday, April 25, 2024 1-5 p.m.

 Information at the top of the newsletter!

Disclaimer: Boulder County Community Services is not a healthcare provider and cannot provide medical advice. This resource is provided for informational purposes only. Individuals should seek medical advice directly from a licensed medical professional.

Ask a Caregiving Expert

Dear BCAAA,

I have heard about many approaches to dementia caregiving and an icon in the field just died.

What can you tell me? 

Signed, A Concerned Caregiver

Dear Concerned Caregiver,

Thank you for reaching out to BCAAA! In collaboration with the Wall Street Journal (permission granted), we offer this inspiring obituary.   

Caregivers, struggling to help people with dementia, often see their role as offering scraps of reality—reminding them what year it is, for instance, or who is in the White House.

Naomi Feil had a different strategy. As a social worker in nursing homes, she resisted the impulse to yank disoriented people back to her reality. Instead, she sought to enter their realities and affirm their emotions. Rather than offering a cup of tea or chirping that everything would be fine, she helped her charges express their anger and sorrow—and found they often were more at ease afterward.

Feil died Dec. 24 at her home in Jasper, Ore. She was 91.

In the 1960s and 1970s, Feil devised what she called the Validation Method for dementia care. She wrote books, led workshops, and established 24 validation training centers in 14 countries, providing services in 11 different languages across Europe, the US, Japan and China. Over 9,000 people are certified in the Validation Method, improving the lives of hundreds of thousands of older adults worldwide. It is supported by 25 Authorized Validation Organizations (AVO’s) around the world and is practiced in more than 10,000 dementia care institutions.

Feil’s ideas have become fundamental to what is now called person-centered dementia care, which focuses on discovering individual needs and preserving dignity rather than following standard routines, said Sam Fazio, a senior director of the Alzheimer’s Association. In such care, he said, “You’re meeting them in their reality versus expecting them to meet us in our reality when they are no longer able to do that.”

Fleeing the Nazis

Much of Feil’s insight reflected her own history. When she was 4 years old, her Jewish family fled Nazi Germany. They eventually settled in Cleveland, where her father was the administrator of a nursing home, which doubled as living quarters for her family. Some of her earliest friends were very old people. Late in the evening, she sometimes sneaked out with an elderly lady for ice-cream sodas at a nearby drugstore. Eventually, they were caught, and the escapades ended.

As a social worker in the 1960s and 1970s, she developed her methods through trial and error. While working at the home managed by her father, she met a retired lawyer who was always angry and claimed that Feil’s father tortured him in the home’s attic. Feil took the man up to the attic to show him it was no torture chamber. This reality check failed to calm the lawyer’s rage. Later, she learned from a family member that, as a boy, he had been locked in an attic by his own father as a punishment.

One day she joined him in cursing the shortcomings of fathers. It helped that she resented her own father’s authoritarian ways. After venting, they both felt better.

Another resident was always telling people to shut up. Feil decided to give him the role he seemed to crave. At the end of group therapy meetings, he was assigned to close the proceedings by ordering everyone to shut up. She called him the shutter upper.

A female resident was withdrawn and uncommunicative. Feil knew she was religious and sensed she wanted human connection. She gently touched the women with her fingertips. Then Feil began singing “Jesus Loves Me.” The woman chimed in. “Her eyes opened, and we had a communion with each other,” Feil recalled in a January 2023 podcast.

Odd or disruptive behavior, she found, often reflected repressed and unresolved anger or other emotions. “I grew up in a home, so I know how mean old people can be,” Feil said during a 1993 workshop described by the Cleveland Plain Dealer. “The old lady isn’t really yelling at you; you remind her of someone from long ago. She’s trying to resolve some unfinished business from the past at this final stage in her life.”

No lies

She opposed the idea of telling comforting lies. Lies could be detected, even by those who seemed most deluded, and that would destroy trust. When an old woman said she needed to see her mother right away, Feil wouldn’t point out that her mother was dead. Nor would she promise that the mother would visit soon. Instead, she would make it a conversation: “You really need to see your mother! What would you like to tell her?”

“You don’t argue, you don’t lie,” she said in a TEDx talk. “You listen with empathy, and you rephrase.”

When old people were weepy, it was a bad idea to tell them things weren’t so bad, she found. It was better to let the tears flow and talk about what made them sad.

She disliked the word dementia, implying that people were out of their minds. “To say they have lost their minds is really looking down on people,” she said.

Gisela Noemi Weil, later known as Naomi, was born on July 22, 1932, in Munich. Her father, Julius Weil, who had a Ph.D. in abnormal psychology and rehabilitation, directed a home for troubled Jewish boys in Munich. Her mother, Helen Weil, helped run that home.

Her father left Germany first. When she, her sister and her mother were preparing to join him in the U.S., she recalled, Roman Catholic nuns helped by letting them hide in a basement until they could arrange to escape on a night train. After several years in the Bronx, the Weil’s moved to Cleveland, where her father headed the Montefiore Home for the Aged.

She wasn’t shielded from harsh realities: Young Naomi saw residents die and once noticed that an elderly man was paying a nurse for sexual favors.

After high school, she studied briefly at Oberlin College, traveled in Europe, and moved to New York, where she earned a master’s degree in social work at Columbia University. An early marriage, which ended in divorce, produced two daughters. Feil took acting classes, performed in off-Broadway productions, and aspired to a career in the theater. She gave that up in 1962 to move back to Cleveland, where she worked in the nursing home run by her father

Focused on troublemakers

Her work was with the troublemakers’ other staff members avoided. “These were the blamers, the martyrs, the moaners, the wanderers, the yellers, the pacers, the pounders whom nobody wanted,” she wrote in one of her books, “The Validation Breakthrough.”  Sometimes nursing assistants tied people to their chairs so they wouldn’t wander off and make trouble. When she tried to engage with these misfits, a nursing assistant scolded her: “You’re getting them all worked up…. You can’t help them. I’ve been working here for five years, and I ought to know.”

Feil persisted and gradually learned from her encounters. “I learned not to contradict, patronize, argue, or try to use logic or give insight,” she wrote. Instead, she made clear she was listening. If an old person imagined the nurses were stealing her jewelry, Feil might say, “You loved that necklace, didn’t you. Who gave it to you?” She could share the emotion and then explore deeper.

In 1963, she married Edward Feil, a maker of documentary films. They had two sons. Naomi Feil appeared in many of her husband’s films, including “The Inner World of Aphasia.” He died in 2021. Her survivors include four children, six grandchildren and one great-granddaughter. One of her daughters, Vicki de Klerk-Rubin, is executive director of the Validation Training Institute, a nonprofit that trains caregivers.

Her first book, “Validation, the Feil Method,” was published in 1982. It was followed by “The Validation Breakthrough” a decade later. Over five decades, Feil led about 2,000 workshops in the U.S. and abroad.

Near the end of her life, Feil had short-term memory loss, was aware of that and didn’t consider it abnormal or shameful, de Klerk-Rubin said. “She was fighting against the medicalization of aging,” de Klerk-Rubin added. “She fought like the dickens against the medical community and the pharmaceutical companies who were trying to create this new disease called old age.”

In her own old age, she still regretted her missed opportunity for a theatrical career. One consolation was that her early experience in theater had taught her to feel and express other people’s emotions, and so enriched her training workshops and work with the elderly.

James R. Hagerty is a writer in Pittsburgh. He can be reached at reports@wsj.com.

Take good care,

Your BCAAA Caregiving Team

Call the BCAAA at 303-441-1617 or visit BoulderCountyhelp.org to learn about local durable medical equipment closets, fix-it programs, home modification options, and to connect with a Resource Specialist to determine if someone qualifies for temporary programs that provide fall prevention strategies, home modifications, and safety recommendations. Visit boco.org/caregiving to learn more about services and educational opportunities.

The Longmont Senior Center (LSC) is OPEN Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Their resource specialists and counselors are now offering home visits and in-person appointments. Check out classes from City of Longmont Senior Services at www.longmontcolorado.gov/GO. Email: senior@longmontcolorado.gov Phone: 303-651-8411 Sign up for weekly email updates by visiting Longmont Senior Services or emailing senior@longmontcolorado.gov.

Caregiver Services for friends or family members caring for an older adult in Longmont include:

• Caregiver Consultations and Family Meetings: Referrals & information about adult day programs, home health care, long-term care, counseling, caregiver self-care, etc.
• Respite & Companion Volunteer Program and Respite Assistance referrals: Volunteers matched with older adults who live alone or with a family caregiver provide respite, a friendly visit, and a caring connection. Respite Assistance funds can help pay for respite care for a caregiver.
• Social Groups and Educational Programs for family caregivers and those living with dementia (options may vary quarterly).
• Caregiver Support Groups provide information and support for family caregivers; no registration required: 
• 1st Monday, 6–7:30 p.m. at Longmont Senior Center
• 2nd Tuesday, noon – 1:30 p.m. (Alzheimer’s Assn. group) at Longmont Senior Center

Questions? Call Kayleigh Schernbeck with City of Longmont Senior Services at 303-774-4497.

Self-Care Techniques for Caregivers

Monday, March 11, 4–5 p.m.

Please register in advance at 303-651-8411. Registration #285070-00

Brenda Gurung will introduce three proactive and reactive interventions for caregivers and care partners: laughter therapy, horticulture activities, and art practice. We will incorporate modifications for individuals with cognitive impairment or dementia. We'll also discuss briefly other interventions (reminiscence, music and sensory) as well as strategies to identify triggers for behavioral expressions.

Advancing the Science: Alzheimer's and Dementia Research

Wednesday, March 20, 3–4:30 p.m.

Please register in advance at 303-651-8411. Registration #285097-00

Join us for an overview of Alzheimer's Disease science and to learn about the latest advances in research to find a prevention, treatment, and a cure. Presented by the Alzheimer's Association.

You Can Become a Savvy Caregiver

Mondays, April 18–May 13, 5:30 – 7:30 p.m.

Please register in advance at 303-651-8411. Registration #285023-00

This training program teaches an understanding of dementia and strives to increase caregiver confidence while reducing the adverse effects of caregiving. It focuses on helping caregivers to acquire and strengthen their knowledge, skills and attitudes for this role and teaches caregivers how to manage and care for themselves day-to-day. This 6-week course is led by Jessica O'Leary, MA, CVW, a gerontologist and specialist in dementia. Please note that this course is for those taking care of a loved one and not for professional caregivers; it is also for caregivers of those with early- or mid-stage dementia. Attendance at all classes is required, and class size is limited. If you need respite resources to attend the class, please call Brandy Queen at 303-651-8411.

City of Boulder Older Adult Services offers a variety of health and wellness, lifelong learning, aging in place, special interest groups, and travel/trip opportunities. Many programs are offered online as well as in-person at the East and West Age Well Centers. Case Managers are available to assist City of Boulder residents 60+ and their caregivers with referrals to community resources, options counseling, and financial support for eligible clients. To speak with a Case Manager, please call 303-441-4388. For a complete list of March programs and services, please visit the website to view the “Let’s Age Well!” program guide. For weekly updates, register online to receive the Age Well e-Newsletter.

Featured March Programs

Feldenkrais: Move with Ease

Increase ease and range of motion, flexibility and coordination, and rediscover an innate capacity of graceful and efficient movement.

Move with Ease – Chair Based Series

West Age Well Center

Mondays, March 4–April 8, 2–3:30 p.m.

Fees: R/NR $60/$75.

Participants will walk, stand or sit in a chair for all movements during this series.

Move with Ease – Mat Based Series

East Age Well Center

Tuesdays, March 5–April 9, 2:30–4 p.m.

Fees: R/NR $60/$75.

Participants must be able to get up and down from a mat safely to join this series.

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Movie and Discussion - “New Rules for End-of-Life Care”

East Age Well Center

Thursday, March 7, 1–2:30 p.m.

Designed to promote discussion about dying and caring for someone at the end of life, the film is 24 minutes followed by a guided conversation.

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Sans Souci Film Screening, Discussion, and Optional Dance Class

West Age Well Center

Tuesday, March 12, 2:30–4 p.m.

Sans Souci Festival of Dance Cinema presents a series of short dance films followed by discussion and optional dance class.

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Active Minds

Albert Einstein

West Age Well Center

Wednesday, March 13, 1–2 p.m.

Join Active Minds to trace the life and impact of this great thinker.

The History of Automobiles

East Age Well Center

Monday, March 25, 3-4 p.m.

Learn more about the invention that replaced the horse and buggy, including mass production, labor, environmental impacts, and the introduction of self-driving cars.

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Downsizing

West Age Well Center

Friday, March 15, 1–2 p.m.

This program provides helpful tips and resources to make the downsizing process easier, whether or not a move is involved.

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West Age Well Center:  909 Arapahoe Avenue, Boulder | 303-441-3148

Monday – Friday, 9 a.m.–4 p.m.

Meals on Wheels’ Eat Well Café: Monday – Friday, 11 a.m.–1 p.m.

East Age Well Center:  5660 Sioux Drive, Boulder | 303-413-7290

Monday – Friday, 8 a.m.–4:30 p.m.

Town of Erie Parks & Recreation - Active Adults

Erie Active Adults staff are available, Monday through Friday, 8 a.m.-4 p.m. Email: ActiveAdults@erieco.gov Phone: 303-926-2795 The Town of Erie's Active Adults program provides a Senior Nutrition Lunch Program at the Erie Community Center. Reservations are required by calling 303-926-2569 or emailing ActiveAdults@erieco.gov prior to the meal date. Check out upcoming Active Adults programming here.

Dinner and Concert with Soda Blue

Friday, March 15, 6-8 p.m. Register by March 3.

The fee is $16 for residents and $20 for non-residents.

Soda Blue is a dynamic high energy pop and smoky R&B band. Their joking and sense of fun turns their show into something more than just music. They bring your favorite tunes to life and will give you great memories to take home. Catered dinner provided - breaded pork chop with gravy, mashed potatoes, broccoli, dinner roll. Cash bar available. Event sponsored by The Bridge at Longmont.

Garden Talks - All About Garden Seeds and Seed Companies

Thursday, March 21, 5-6 p.m.

These days, more and more people are discovering the joys of playing in the dirt or, as grown-ups prefer to call it, gardening. A local expert, with years of experience, will help you plan, plant and harvest a successful garden. Did you know, gardening promotes wellness, reduces exposure to pesticides, and can reduces stress? What are you waiting for?

Irish Cultural ExpERIEnce

Saturday, March 30, 2:30-4:30 p.m. Register by March 17.

The fee is $12 for residents and $15 for non-residents.

The McTeggart Irish Dancers, Colorado’s oldest Irish Dance school, will be coming to Erie to provide an Irish cultural experience for all ages. Dancers will perform a lively and entertaining variety of traditional and modern Irish dances. There will be traditional Irish music and singing, as well as ceili dancing for all to participate. And of course, we will have sampling of some of the Irish cuisine. Cash bar available. Event sponsored by Kaiser Permanente.

The Lafayette Senior Center (103 S. Iowa Avenue) is open Monday through Thursday, 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. and on Fridays from 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Call 303-665-9052 or email olderadults@lafayetteco.gov to register. For more information, visit lafayetteco.gov/seniors.

Aurora History Museum

Wednesday, March 6, 9 a.m.-2 p.m.

The fee is $11 for residents and $13 for non-residents.

Discover the rich heritage of Aurora at the Aurora History Museum, a gem within the City of Aurora's Library and Cultural Services Department. Established in 1979, the museum initially resided in a historic building featuring two small galleries and an office. In 1990, it relocated to its current site, reopening in 1991. Your trip includes a guided tour, transportation, and lunch.

AARP Smart Driver

Tuesday, March 12, 12:30-4:30 p.m.

The fee is $20 for AARP members and $25 for non-members.

Improve your skills and increase your safety when driving. Earn a certification valid for three years. Graduates may qualify for a discount on their auto insurance. Open to all individuals 50 and older.

Estate Planning Made Easy

Wednesday, March 13, 1-3 p.m.

The event is free for Boulder County residents who are 60+.

Wills, powers of attorney, and living wills - get a tough job finished! In a single, easy session, you'll complete a will, financial power of attorney, and combined medical directive (including a living will, medical power of attorney, and organ donation), all with the help of Colorado licensed attorney Mike Anderson.

This class includes all materials, witnessing, notarizing, individual review, and plenty of time for discussion and questions. Participants do not need to bring anything to the program. The fee is per person. Please register at least one week before the program.

Louisville Senior Services

Louisville Senior Services at the Recreation & Senior Center currently offers a variety of drop-in programs, classes and activities, trips, as well as Brooks Café lunch. Contact Katie Beasley, by calling 303-335-4914 or email KatieB@LouisvilleCO.gov. Need resources? Find Senior Resources help with transportation, housing, legal assistance, and financial guidance. Medical equipment loans also available. Contact Katie Tofte, Community Resource Coordinator, at KTofte@LouisvilleCO.gov or by calling 303-335-4919. Check out more from Louisville Senior Services here.